For better or for... uh sorry

I decided to post this entry though it no one reads it, including me... I rarely get on here.. but I want it for the record that I had to make some pretty hard choices this year, and I always put my husband and our two children first.  Well, my husband moved out in July this past year, though I am not ashamed to say, I begged him to stay.  Ugh... I don't recognize myself.  What happened to me I am thinking now?  My family had always been my priority and it got blown apart.  I've been shot through the heart... omg yes I said it.  Now I have to redefine what family means to me and how to save myself and my kids from so much heartache that a divorced family brings.  I wish they didn't experience it this early in life, but we will all get through it together.  I grew up in a single parent home and I have an amazing role model who did much more with much less. 

Rise.. Rise... Along with Mental Illness

Well here we are, I finally posted my old drafts. One of them literally says Well.  haha Never have I ever thought I was not original.  :)

The two year update was probably something like "OMG.. I live in California now! MSH who is now MDH finished his residency and here we are! We thought we'd get to stay but circumstances beyond our control brought us here!  Etc... etc."

There are so many things I want to do.. And as a former Business Systems Analyst I seem to have developed a perpetual case of Analysis Paralysis... it's something like Medical Student Syndrome where med students think they have every disease they learn about.

So, onto mental illness... so having lived with some sort or other of depression my entire adult life, I finally decided to do something drastic about it and give Ayahuasca a try.  It's this earthy-muddy, sour, tangy brew that I drank with a few others in the jungle in Peru.  And boy did I feel different... I no longer felt depressed and thought I had found the path to recovery.  Along comes the hardest year of my life... and sits me down to tell me what's what.  The hardest part for me has been the pain it's caused my family.  My husband who has to watch as I slowly fall apart instead of thriving after working hard to achieve our dreams and the guilt I imagine he cannot allow himself to feel for moving us out to California (I was not initially completely on board with moving out here).  Worse yet, the effect on my children has broken my heart more times than I care to count.  My son and daughter who are bright and want nothing but to be accepted and make friends and do good for themselves and others in turn are struggling.  So, what I thought was going to be a bumpy yet mostly smooth (I'm allowed to contradict myself if I'm talking about pain because it's multi-faceted like life! :)) change has turned out to be a lonely, dark journey that doesn't yet seem to be at an end.  

All this alongside our belief that mental illness is something that's passed on/triggered by negative circumstances and without the emotional support necessary for children to deal with change.  So, we are trying to rise and rise and help our children to do the same.  To be a positive force of change and to model behaviour for them that they may one day want to emulate and do better with themselves.

Hot, hot runs... Getting cooler

I have been running for over six months now and I still love it. I'm a slow runner jogger but I

Requisite Two Year Update

Well,